Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Rastafarian Pizza Delivery

Rastafarian Pizza Delivery 
I was at the doctor's office yesterday and waiting for the Para-transit bus to arrive and take me back home when I saw a guy from across the parking lot obviously delivering pizza. He looked to be in his early 20s but it was hard to tell because he was very tall, very skinny, had dreadlocks down to his waist and his pizza delivery cap was covering his face.

 Now this kid is a white, certainly not from Jamaica and his Rasta hair was only thick enough for two thin braids tied tightly together with a rubber band behind his head.  God strike me down if I were to place a judgment on this guy but I sure hope he wasn't smoking in the car. I am not talking about cigarettes; I'm talking about the ganja. Bless his heart, he's got a job and is probably doing the best he can but to tell you the truth, all I could think of was that I wanted to drive up behind him in my motorized wheelchair with a gardem pruning shears and whack off those stupid pathetic looking braids
Certainly, no self respecting Rastafarian would be caught delivering pizza to a white man/woman.
Renae Clare

Monday, February 27, 2012

Mortal Enemies - Multiple Sclerosis

  Mortal Enemies -  Multiple Sclerosis

Heat and humidity are the mortal enemies of Multiple Sclerosis patients and today I am sweaty and uncomfortable. My right arm is hurting as I am staring at a picture of Montel Williams on his book cover of Climbing Higher. Kick ass book and bless his heart for writing it. It's always shocking when someone in the public eye gets sick and has to deal with devastating disease as though he was just a member of the general population.

When your world is diminished down to your humble abode you might start to act a little goofy and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's where imagination comes from. Maybe that's where inspiration sparks; in that goofy space where nothing else will fit and it doesn't make any difference because all you want to do is create…or scream.

I understand that that is where much genius comes from. I'm not quite there yet in that insane place in the mind where a switch is loose and a tire has blown out. And I am certainly not a genius…

Thank you God, I am not schizophrenic or manic-depressive and if it weren't for this goddamn Multiple Sclerosis I would be perfectly healthy.
I am not a da Vinci or a van Gogh or a Jim Morrison. I am Renae Clare and I have MS and that's enough to keep me bawling intermittently, teary when I think too much, and starting to cry when I see heartwarming episodes of Extreme Home Makeover. Those episodes make me feel as though I should get up off my fat lazy ass and go start a not-for-profit organization until I remember, oh yeah, I am in a wheelchair so I can't get off of my fat lazy ass which by the way is not that fat, even though it is wheelchair shaped and I am not lazy.

 I am just fatigued and my neurological system does not work right and that includes my brain, spinal cord, and nerves so the signals don't get their as quickly as they should or they get sent to me totally wrong place. Probably to my goddamn potty mouth or my  bladder. I am flummoxed yet again

And therein lies the rub. No matter how fast I am thinking, no matter how swiftly I am typing in my mind, no matter how quickly my brain is churning out words and thoughts and brilliant pieces of information, I have to backtrack and clear up the errors that I have made along the way. And they are many.). And that is so very, very frustrating it makes me want to head butt Montel’s book and since that wouldn't hurt very much (or be very nice) it is right up my alley. I really don't need another big bloody gash on my forehead or another broken bone.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

A Place Where Multiple Sclerosis Doesn’t Matter

I’m looking for a place where I belong in this world, a place where Multiple Sclerosis doesn’t matter. I am antsy and constantly looking for something to keep me busy so that I feel as though I have accomplished something during the course of a day. Being paralyzed and in a wheelchair, I am no longer able to work. Some days it’s a chore just getting up in the morning and by mid afternoon I’m exhausted and need to lie down.

I have written a book entitled Potty Mouth which is in the process of production. I sent it off to an editor. I found the book cover that I’m interested in and I am waiting to hear from the artist. I’m reading and looking online how to blog, how to submit articles, how to write a newsletter, and how to post on social networks and I am doing it all in order to find my self-worth and my self- respect which I seem to have lost along the way. I probably, like so many things, dropped them on the floor and ran over them with my chair and have broken them all to hell. MS is a bitch on steel wheels.

I am lonely and it sucks and I am constantly looking for something more.

Sad and gloomy are not words I would use to describe myself. I am usually upbeat and optimistic although once in a while I am teary, weary, and worn. Today is one of those days and I don’t want to waste time not being present. If I look at everything as it is right here and now, I am fine (and dandy); I am busy, and working, and when my mind is active I am not even thinking about the things that are bothering me. The spasms and pains and depression are diminished at the moment and I am more than an MS patient I am Renae Clare; a funny, active, woman/writer.

It’s been a good week and I got lots of things accomplished. Tomorrow promises to be another good day so I will put on my happy face and take my medication and rise up against all of the symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis and see if I can find a place where it just doesn’t matter.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

10 Things That Will Make Life Easier for People with Disability

10 Things That Will Make Life Easier for People with Disability

1.       Dragon naturally speaking voice recognition program. Since I am no longer able to type, thanks to this goddamn Multiple Sclerosis, and I am paralyzed on my left side I am using the voice recognition program for my computer every day when I write. It has saved me from untold angst, frustration and exhaustion. Having MS makes everything exhausting so something as wonderful as this program makes it fun again to do what I love. Of course, it makes some serious errors and sometimes refuses to curse for me. But what the hell, it’s a small price to pay.

2.      Ex N Flex These machines are really great for people who need to exercise their arms and legs and they are recommended by the Multiple Sclerosis Society. I use them every day and without them I would be at a loss. They have my highest kudos and their customer service is bar none.

3.      e-books I read a lot and before e-books I had a hard time holding books properly and drop them often. Because I have to spend quite a lot of time in bed because of MS and read tons of books and I am so thankful for this wildly successful adventure.

4.     e- reader There are so many kinds of readers on the market. I am using the Samsung Galaxy tablet. It’s just the right size for me to read in bed and has Internet features and lots of apps so if I need to look up something while I’m reading, the information is right there in my hands.

5.     Handy ride transportation system for people with disabilities  This wonderful program is based in Dallas, Texas and I don’t know what I would do without it. With my wheelchair I am no longer able to get in and out of our car and these wonderful handicapped accessible buses just lift me up or down the ramp and we’re off on another exciting adventure. Without it I would be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

6.     Invacare alternating air electric mattress About a year ago I was hospitalized for many months with a very serious bedsore. When I got home I bought an Invacare air mattress that is the same type that was used by Christopher Reeves. It automatically rotates my body from one side to the other every half an hour and I love it. No more sores.

7.      Life Alert Of all the good things that I’ve done to help myself, this is probably the greatest. It has saved me from countless injuries and the countless times that I have fallen I have had five or six gorgeous fireman pick me and put me back where I belong. This is the number one program you need to get if you find yourself in danger. Believe me you will thank me. It’s a wonderful system and could possibly save your life.
8.      Certified home health care aide Oh, happy day when my present home health care aide showed up at my door. It’s been a long and bumpy road to try and find someone who is kind, professional, and honest. I found her and I love her. If you need help start the process. It’s well worth it.

9.      Catheters Another stinky piece of business but what can you do. The catheter was invented by Benjamin Franklin when his brother was having trouble in the nether regions so we can thank our wonderful forefather for helping out. He would be proud to know what his grand invention has done for mankind. And I can attest to that fact.

10.  Bedside commode  My bathroom is small and my wheelchair is cumbersome so I decided enough is enough. There were several times when I had to be rescued by Life Alert and one time I actually broke a rib trying to get onto the toilet. I need help to get on and off the commode but Multiple Sclerosis affords us very little privacy. Embarrassment and humiliation are synonyms for MS. The alternative was just too awful to concede.

These are all steps that I took one at a time over the course of years and looking back on it now I see that each one of these 10 things has added a little more independence to my life and I hope to yours.